Monday, December 15, 2014

Confession is Good for the Soul (Especially on Sleepless Nights)


This third weekend of Advent has been quite a musical one.  It started with a somewhat private concert at the Christmas Gala at The Hermitage in Richmond on Friday night and ended with rousing choruses of “Because He Lives” with all those gathered in the living room at the Lydia Roper House in Norfolk. In between, there were three offerings of the Christmas cantata at Shady Grove UMC.  Now, here it is 3:30 AM on Monday morning as I sit with a cup of chamomile tea trying to make myself go back to sleep. It’s not working, and a few minutes ago I realized why.

As I reflect on this Advent Sunday that is supposed to remind us of joy as we move closer to Christmas, I must confess that I haven’t been there when it comes to my own faith life for quite a while now. This is the first cantata that I have sung in four years, and I’ve offered a lot of excuses when people have asked me why.  The joy of singing – well, no…if I am really being honest and confessing my sins…the act of public worship – had become a “job.” It wasn’t until I was reading a book by Jane Marie Thibault recently that I suddenly was slapped in the face with where I have been spiritually.  In A Deepening Love Affair: The Gift of God in Later Life, Thibault wrote that there are many who go through life “doing church” when their inner spirit is stagnated.  I read her description and wept because that’s where I’ve been for a long time now.  I’ve known it…. I’ve talked to Spiritual Directors, Pastors, friends, lay leaders, and strangers about it and how it impacts the church…. I’ve attempted to cast it aside or cover it up…. I’ve tried to help others with it but never confessed it for myself.

So in reflecting on this Gaudete Sunday weekend, there were many joy-filled moments, and most of them had to do with music. 

·    “Little St. Nick” sung by a barbershop quartet of amazing 60+ year old men just has to make you smile.  As they talked about channeling the Beach Boys, Steve and I sat with new friends that a year ago we could never have imagined being in our lives, in a place that I never saw as a part of my faith journey at this point in my life.

·     I pondered the experience of the cantata in a special way with all those who had multiple generations of their families singing, playing instruments, and representing the characters of the Christmas story together. I was 13 when I finally got to sing in the Adult Choir.  I could hardly wait for the day that I could join my father in that choir.  We got to sing one cantata together in 1974 before he died the next February.  So thank you to all those in the Shady Grove choir who let me relive that experience this weekend with you and your children.   You had no way of knowing that you were helping me experience that joy once again.

·     Bill and Gloria Gaither came up several times this weekend – from a conversation in our living room on Saturday afternoon with a friend who was recalling how his mother loved to listen to their music to those rousing choruses Sunday afternoon led by Group Therapy from Messiah UMC in Chesapeake – otherwise known as “The Roper House Band.”  Oh, the power of spontaneously singing together - strangers and friends. It amazes me how many times God can work in a short period of time to try to get a point across!

So today’s addition to the Advent altar is a Methodist Hymnal, 1964 edition, given by neighbors of my grandparents to Fieldale Methodist Church in memory of my great grandmother, Martha Lovell.  With it comes tremendous gratitude to all those who have instilled in me a love of church music and been so instrumental in my discipleship – even those of you who forced me to wear those little white choir poncho-type things with big red bows under my chin!

 
"Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you’re on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!
Philippians 4:4-5 (The Message)

 

No comments:

Post a Comment