Expectations

Continuing with my "My Personal Top 10 Faith Lessons, here is Lesson #5:  

We can’t always live up to the expectations others have of us, whether it is to act and respond like the person who held a position before us or follow the majority rather than advocate for the minority.  We each have to follow our own hearts and values.  Sometimes that upsets people.  Sometimes that thrills people.  You can never make everyone happy.  You can only live your passion and faith.

What an important lesson for all of us lay people in this week of clergy transitions in the Virginia Conference!  How many clergy in new appointments will walk in the door with expectations already set for them by congregations hoping they will be exactly like someone who was their pastor in years past?  Or step into a place where unrealistic hopes and visions are awaiting…the perfect family, the prefect set of skills and experience, the perfect understanding of “social justice”?

How many of us in lay leadership positions take on new roles with unrealistic expectations set for us because of the way someone else brought their gifts to a position or because the person that held the role for many years is less than willing for a new way of doing things to take shape?  How many of us publicly say we support a new vision or ministry, then in parking lot conversations immediately begin to undermine all that is planned?

Last March during the last meeting of the Camp Rainbow Connection Core Leadership Team that I led before we started the transition to a new camp coordinator, I shared with those present that for the first couple of years I struggled with following behind the founding director of camp. (And there had been one director in between….)  I admitted openly to them for the first time that there were times I would sneak away to an unoccupied bedroom at the Blackstone Conference and Retreat Center and just cry.  Words that were used and actions taken were anything but affirming for a new person assuming leadership. 

I also admitted to a colleague during our recent Annual Conference that I had experienced an anxiety response in the elevator at the hotel the first day I was there.  One of the dedicated lay servants connected to several ministries of my office over the years who participated on the interview team when I was hired made his living working in the elevator industry.  This loving, caring man presented me with many challenges when I first came on the Connectional Ministries staff.  Whenever he did not like my decisions or got angry with me for other reasons, he would remind me that the decision to hire me was not unanimous and that he really had to convince at least one important person on the interview panel that I should be the one for the position.  Despite all this, my husband, Steve, and I were present at his memorial service a number of years ago now and celebrated his amazing life with many others.  When I stepped into the elevator last Wednesday, I looked up at the inspection certificate.  And there, on the signature line, was the same first initial and last name of this gentleman. I immediately heard his voice say, “You were not the first choice of ---. I had to have a long conversation with him before he agreed to hire you....” Needless to say, I didn’t look at any inspection certificates again before I left Hampton.

I will never be able to live up to everyone’s expectations.  I’ll never be the “first choice” in all that I do, but God doesn’t expect me to be perfect – only to try my hardest and do my best.  We humans are the ones that place unrealistic expectations on each other.  And oh, what harm we can do.

Being a spiritual leader, whether clergy or lay, is a journey to be more like Christ.  In our leadership roles, others look to us and at us.  If we are to fulfill a guiding role in the church, we must be careful to be authentic in our personal relationship with Christ and in the Christian behavior we model.  When the integrity of life and belief is seen by others, it is recognized as good witness; that is, it attracts others to explore the Christian faith and its implications for their lives. Find your passion in your lay or ordained ministry, live as you say you believe, and lives will be transformed.