The Beauty Shop

“There's a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don't look the way they used to, and it's not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It's because of hair dye. In the 1950's only 7 percent of American women dyed their hair; today there are parts of Manhattan and Los Angeles where there are no gray-haired women at all.” ― Nora Ephron

Last Friday night, I was five years old again, sitting in my Aunt Bea's beauty shop, trying to entertain myself while my mother and grandmother got their hair done.  That shop was the center of community for the women who gathered there weekly: a place to share joys and concerns about family and friends near and far, to support one another, to learn about adventures (and misadventures) in the world outside the doors.  I remember the smells of the permanent wave lotion and hair dyes.  I can clearly see the carefully set pin curls.  If I'm quiet, I can hear the clicking of the shears.  And I can taste the SunDrop cola straight from the refrigerated case with the bottle cap opener on the front.

Last Friday night, I was in a very similar beauty shop with my Mom.  Getting her hair done in that familiar place was a welcome treat after having just returned to her apartment from her stay in rehab following a fall. More important than the hair style was the community of friends gathered there with her.  Community at its finest -- where she was brought up to date on everything that had happened in the two months she had been gone. Yet things weren't the same.  People had moved.  Tragedies had occurred. The world outside the beauty shop was different.

Isn't church in many ways just the same as the beauty shop?  I can walk into some churches and be five again.  I can smell the old pages of the hymnals, sometimes from those little brown Cokesbury hymnals in the pew racks.  I can see the faded pictures on the walls, many times the same pictures that were there in the 1960s. If I listen carefully, I can hear leadership conversations which haven't really changed...focusing on maintenance rather than dealing honestly with changing realities.  And I can taste the time honored recipes of favorite potluck meals.

I want a church that recognizes the importance of this type of history and values the traditions of the faith, but doesn't live there.  I want a church that authentically addresses the challenges to my faith that come with the realities of September 2013.  I want to be in community with people who love and follow the Jesus that teaches us to meet the needs of the immigrant and the homeless, the searching teenager and the elder adapting to increased dependence on others, the person who prefers pin curls and the one who steps out into the world with bright pink, spiked hair. In order to be that church, we have to change our conversations.  Are you asking the right questions and preparing for things to change as a result of new expectations?  If not, we’re all five years old again and I'm still playing with the beauty shop equipment I got for Christmas.

As you can see from the picture below, I was really into the beauty shop thing....

As We Walk Toward Charge Conference

I love to sing and was truly blessed to grow up in a family that loved church music.  I jokingly tell people that by the time I was a teenager, I had been to more weddings, funerals, and revivals than most folks ever attend in their lifetimes.  Over the years, I have experienced many sung versions of The Lord’s Prayer.  However, I have never heard one as a beautiful as on the closing day of the August session of Camp Rainbow Connection (CRC) this year.

Like all communities, the CRC family is as diverse in its gifts as humanly possible – especially when it comes to singing.  I giggled when I received a picture taken during one of the music classes this year where a staff member was seated between two of our campers who love to sing but haven’t recognized the power of their voices.  The staff member has her fingers in her ears but a smile on her face while the campers were both singing away.  The person who took the picture captioned it as “The Loud Seat.” 

On Friday morning as the campers were sharing what they learned in Bible Class, one of the staff members without prior planning led the campers in singing the traditional version of The Lord’s Prayer.  The passage of scripture where Jesus teaches us to pray this way was the focus of the Bible Class on Thursday. Each of the four groups of campers had sung the prayer once during class.  This was the only opportunity for all 60 campers to sing it together.  Now, this is a group where some read and others do not, where some are verbal and others are not, where some have been a part of a church all their lives and where others only hear the stories of Jesus for one week a year at camp.  It is a group where you can usually pick out the voices of certain individuals and expect that you will never hear sounds from others.  It is a group where you know that only God will ever fully understand the words that are offered by some campers.

I stood in the doorway and watched as the song leader used full body motions to show the pitch changes.  The campers carefully followed her every move. Other staff clearly and succinctly offered the words. There was no musical accompaniment. Yet, it was the most amazing version of The Lord’s Prayer I have ever experienced.  There was not one voice that overshadowed another. The words were strong and powerful. Every gift and every talent was used in its own unique way.  The song was absolutely perfect! It sounded like the most well trained, long prepared choir was offering this gift to God. How truly blessed I was to experience that moment.

What might happen if the members of your church were using their gifts and skills this faithfully and effectively in the community? Discovering our gifts and fulfilling God’s call upon our lives is a lifelong process - a component of our discipleship.  Helping others to recognize, develop, and use their unique gifts transforms lives and multiplies the work of the kingdom - a component of our work as lay leaders. As we enter this year’s cycle of Charge Conferences, think about the leadership development process at your church.  Oh, how our churches and the world would be transformed if our goal was not merely to fill leadership positions but to help each person identify and use their gifts in service as part of their call from God to fully live as disciples of Jesus Christ!  

Walking Partners

In the training that I provide for local church Lay Leaders, I begin with what should be a simple equation:

The Congregational Ministry =

Ministry of the Laity + Skills and Experience of Professional Clergy

This is the heart of the Partners in Ministry program that our Virginia Conference Board of Laity has emphasized for many years.  One of the major assumptions of the Partners in Ministry program is that to be effective, clergy and laity need to work as a team with a shared vision for the church.  Both must take 100% of the responsibility for the outcomes – positive or negative.  In order to be effective, we must recognize and utilize the personal gifts and graces of each person.  Together, we must strengthen our own spiritual foundations and improve our skills for leading the church forward.

I must admit that lately I’ve struggled mightily with the clergy/lay divide.  This honestly has been a challenge for me since I started working on the Connectional Ministries staff so it’s nothing new.  In the recent weeks, however, I have found myself in situations where the differences are more profound than ever.  Sometimes I think it comes from being the definite minority in a level of denominational work that is dominated by clergy.  Other times it seems due to the lingering challenges of gender or racial/ethnic differences.  Many times the divide is felt more strongly because of perceived status within a denomination comprised of many, many levels and divisions.  No matter what the true cause of this clergy/lay divide, I firmly believe that we are called to be equal partners in making disciples of Jesus Christ; we must work together if we are to accomplish our mission. I hold deep in my heart and soul our United Methodist belief that we are all called to be ministers - called through our baptism to be disciples in all areas of our lives and examples of Christ’s love to the world. 

Jim Nibbelink of Milford, Ohio, delivered the Laity Address at the 2000 General Conference of The United Methodist Church.  One of his opening statements was that tradition “is impeding the ability of congregations to engage in active ministry.” This “tradition,” as he continued, has created separate tasks for clergy and lay members instead of bringing us together as partners. "The time has long passed, if it was truly ever here, when one leader could chart the course, make decisions, call the tune and carry the load," he said. "Dictates from the pulpit or pew must pass away, and a renewed, cooperative spirit must be encouraged to take root."  (You can find the summary of Mr. Nibbelink’s address at: http://archives.umc.org/interior.asp?mid=694 ) 

Thirteen years have passed since this address at General Conference, but I still struggle as many of you may with the great divide.  As laity, we must identify new ways to be bridge builders if our congregations are truly to become more vital and fruitful. It’s our baptismal calling.

"Will You Go With Me?"

Reposted from June 24, 2013

Those gathered at the Virginia Annual Conference watched and celebrated the licensing, commissioning, and ordination of 65 individuals on Saturday night. Among them were two former interns who served in my office.  I could not have been prouder unless I was the mother of these two amazing young women!

The paths our journeys take are so very varied - by generation, by the mentors who impact our lives, by environment, by our choices.  Thirty-one years ago I approached the pastor at my home church about the call to ministry I was feeling.  But thirty-one years ago we weren't awaiting Supreme Court decisions on the process colleges and universities use to assure diversity.  We certainly were not waiting on decisions around marriage equity.  Most churches weren't even ready for a woman in the pulpit, much less consideration of greater inclusiveness.  The lecture I received the day I sat to talk with my pastor was filled with the things "I would not" want or experience if I entered the ordained ministry: "I would not" marry, "I would not" want to subject a husband or family to the United Methodist itinerant system, "I would not" be received well by local churches, "I would not" be happy.  At 21 years of age, I felt that this male pastor had spoken for the church as a whole.  Eventually, I realized that he spoke only for himself.  But the harm had been done.  I continue to question the call I have to church service even into middle age.  I have never taken the walk at the end of the Service for the Ordering of Ministry when the Bishop extends the invitation for all those to come forward who are feeling a call to ministry. 

But last Saturday night, I experienced that walk in a different way.  Accessibility is one of my responsibilities for our Annual Conference sessions.  I was sitting at the table for computer assisted note taking for those who have difficulty hearing the spoken word clearly.  (What we do is similar to closed captioning on television and film.)  I was at the table at the end of the service with a friend who sang in the choir with us for a while at my local church. She had been typing when Bishop Cho extended the invitation.  As the closing hymn began, she bowed in prayer.  She was visibly shaking when she lifted her head. Putting my arm around her shoulder, I asked if she was feeling a call to ministry.  A few seconds and a little conversation followed until I asked if she wanted to go forward.  What came next surprised me: "Will you go with me?"

Thirty-one years...fourteen Annual Conference sessions as a Connectional Ministries staff person...and I finally take the walk...not for myself, but in support of another young woman wanting to commit her life to serve God and God's people. I may not have gone to the Bishop on my own journey, but was given the most awesome privilege of walking along side another.

The ways we each individually respond to God's call upon our lives are unique and varied, yet one thing is absolutely clear.  We are all as the 'laos" - the whole people of God - called by our baptisms to be ministers. The structure of the church sets some apart for specific work, but we are all called to offer our gifts and talents to the mission of making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world.

How seriously do you take that call upon your life? What will be your response when God asks "Will you go with me?"

Change...

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.”   - Eckhart Tolle

Change - just the thought of it at times makes us all uneasy.  Change to the structure, traditions, and our comfortable ways of doing things in the church can make us even more anxious. Why is that?  The world is constantly changing.  Our bodies are changing moment to moment.  Why is it so hard for us as leaders in the church to change?

If you have followed the first 4 posts on this blog, you will realize that the URL has changed.  The type may not be the same.  A few of the words are different.  Why?  Change....

In switching to a different e-mail platform, the first blog by the same name went AWOL.  So I start again.  I've missed  few great opportunities over the last few weeks to talk about lay leadership in the church, but I'll make up for it.

Change...takes time....can be frustrating....does not go according to my plans....but yes, amazingly (and thankfully) creates space for something new to emerge.

Lessons from the Magnolia Tree

There was a magnolia tree in the back yard of the house next door to the one in which I grew up.  My mother has a picture of her holding me on the day I was baptized in April 1961 with one of the neighbors under that magnolia – fairly small at that time, but so was I! All of the important issues – where acts of faith and witness were needed – first came into my life in the community around the magnolia tree.  It was faith taken from the pews of the church and put into action. Faith called upon in times of illness, war, hunger, disaster, personal challenges, and so much more.  Faith which made celebrations more joyful and loss easier to bear.

No matter what time of the year, you could look out the windows on the side of our house and see signs of life in the magnolia tree – from the birds that roosted there to the evergreen leaves. The smell of those large sweet scented flowers filled the air around our house when they were in bloom and when they were not blooming, you could see those hairy flower bulbs which are borne at the tips of the twigs and know that they would blossom again.

There are many stories I could tell of how our community around that tree cared for one another.  But each one centers on strong faith put into action – sort of like the trunk of the magnolia tree – standing firm, deeply rooted in the teachings of Jesus and an ever-present faith in God.  A faith that has been passed on from generation to generation.  But without the outstreched branches that tree couldn’t show life – there would be no evergreen leaves or flowers, no birds singing.  Faith cannot stand by itself.  Like the branches of the magnolia, it is when the faith reaches out in service to others that it blossoms.  Remember that the magnolia flower is at the very tip of the twigs on the branches.

The lessons I learned from around the magnolia tree were about an active, living faith.  For as James wrote, “You do well when you really fulfill the royal law found in scripture, Love your neighbor as yourself” (James 2:8 CEB). It is the type of faith that John Wesley described when he said, “Faith hath not its being from works, (for it is before them,) but its perfection.” 

That faith from around the magnolia tree showed its beautiful blossoms mightily over the last few days as my mother fell, had surgery to repair her broken hip, and is now settling into rehab.  Connections from the community around that tree and every place the branches are now reaching showered us with prayer, visits, calls, and messages.  I have experienced our United Methodist connection, in particular, at its finest from messages saying mom was lifted in prayer in churches across the Virginia Conference on Sunday to United Methodists around the globe letting us know of their concern and thoughts. And for mom, how blessed can you be when your first bite of nourishment in more than 24 hours comes by way of your pastor bringing the gifts of the Eucharist.  Thank you all for your expressions of care and concern…and for reminding us of what it truly means to be love your neighbor as yourself.

“Beat It” or “Change It”

I put off tweeting as long as I could, and I must admit that I’m still a novice at all these new electronic means of communicating (…I mean social networking…) with one another. Yet, this week, I’ve caught the hashtag bug.  First it was the Rocky Mountain Annual Conference because I was curious as to why everybody was tweeting about trees. I learned a lot from the tweets of those attending as they have compared the vitality of churches to the life of trees:  the health of the roots, impact of the environment on the trees, and the animals, birds, and insects that live in them.  Took me a day or two before realizing the theme of the Annual Conference session was “Cultivating the Tree of Life.” But the conversation that has really made me catch the bug is #80schurchmusic.  Maybe it’s a Younger Boomer thing that we can entertain ourselves by changing the titles of pop/rock music hits from the 1980s to reflect church life.  Every denomination and tradition has been made the subject of an altered song title: “Harper Valley PCA,” “I Wish They All Could Be Southern Baptist Girls”, “Papa Don't Preach Pentecostalism,” “Walk Like an Episcopalian,” and "She Blinded Me with Scientology" just to list a few.

But the conversation has also gotten personal with titles like these:

• “Everybody Wants to Rule the Church”
• “(Finance Committee Meets…) All Night Long”
• “Sweet Dreams (of getting out by noon)”
• “I Still Haven't Found the Committee I'm Looking For”
• “Time After Time (aka How Many Times Is the Preacher Going to Use That Same Illustration?)”

All this conversation from around the world, laughing together at our church experience in different places and across various traditions…then all of the sudden pops up "Church Is a Battlefield"? Ouch! People see us acting as the song titles describe, and then we wonder why new people don’t come and young people don’t want to stay in church.

In the midst of more titles comes a tweet that reads: “Once again, the church is 35 years behind the culture.” I can attempt to learn to tweet and blog and use my smart phone the best I can, but I see church newsletters all the time that haven’t changed in format since the first one was produced on the original mimeograph machine. Who is that attracting? How is the church changing to meet the demands of new lifestyle, communication, and networking technologies? How much longer can we avoid reality by telling ourselves it is okay not to change just because we’re comfortable where we are (aka “we’ve never done it that way before”)?

In May of 1983 when I graduated from college, Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” was the number one pop song in the country.  Maybe I should add that song to the Twitter conversation as “Change It.”  Today’s culture is certainly different from the world I experienced as a young adult in the 1980s.  And it is certainly not the 1950s anymore when most of our churches were filled with children and everyone in the community seemed to adhere to Christian values. But is your church different today?  Are you…mentoring new leaders and supporting them in leadership roles? …envisioning new ministries to reach diverse people and emerging community needs? Utilizing the gifts, graces, and passions of members and attendees?...exploring the multitude of ways to nurture current disciples and make new ones? If not, start singing “Change It.”

During the same period this year, the top pop song was Pink’s “Just Give Me a Reason.”  It was on my playlist as I walked this morning.  How will people in 30 years change that title to reflect their church experience?  I hope it’s not “Just Give Me a Reason (…to even go to church).”  The future is in our thumbs…I mean hands.